Beauty: Being beautiful when you're told you aren't.

I write this with precious middle and high school girls in mind because I think the immense pressure that they are under today is too strong for them to bear sometimes, but I think there is some truth we can pull from this no matter what age we are.

All this morning I was thinking on the word 'beauty'. What defines it? How is it viewed? What does it take to obtain it? And as I listened to the new Colbie Caillat song 'Try', I had so many thoughts that I just decided to sit down and write them out. 

Now that I've prefaced this whole thing, let me actually get to the point.

The picture of beauty has been terribly mutilated by our society..

In a culture where every face and body is edited with Photoshop, airbrushing is the norm, clothing companies come out with a size 000, modesty is laughable, and weight gain is unfathomable, accomplishing beauty for yourself is seemingly impossible.

Let me give an example.

The other day, in my family, us girls were talking about the 'Thigh Gap' epidemic... 

The idea of standing straight, with your feet feet together, and having a gap between your thighs has become such a devastating fad that teen girls are flocking to.

(And I'll just start off by saying that there is  nothing I could do to get one. My body is not built that way, and I'm not willing to give up my health or sanity to even desire to obtain one.)

Now, that's me, but some young girls are literally killing themselves; starving their bodies, to reach their goal of having a 'Thigh Gap'. Instagram posts are teeming with pictures and phrases like "Three more inches to go... All I want in life is that thigh gap". And J.Crew coming out with a size 000 adds an even greater pressure for girls to be thin enough to fit in those miniscule jeans. 

This blows my mind and this is only one example of what girls are having to do to attempt to reach the standard of what magazines and celebrities and models are saying they should look like in order to fit in, be liked, be beautiful.

I love the idea behind the song 'Try' by Colbie Caillat... The idea of disregarding the cultural rules of beauty and just simply being who you are. The song is powerful and the video for the song is just as inspiring, but I still think it goes beyond that; goes deeper than that.

It goes beyond being yourself so that you will like who you are. It goes beyond not being consumed by what other people are thinking of you because you are content in who you are. Those are great things, and I think loving who you are is important, but why?

What's the point if I'm not going to be liked by everybody? Why should I love who I am and how I look if I'm going to stick out from the rest of the world? Why should I feel beautiful when everything around me is pointing out every reason that I'm not? Why should I embrace who I am and what I look like at all, rather than trying to alter it?

"So God created mankind in his own image, in the image of God he created them; male and female he created them." Genesis 1:27

"God saw all that he had made, and it was very good. And there was evening, and there was morning—the sixth day."

Genesis 1:31

"... In the image of God he created them..."

"... And it was very good..." 

That in itself should so greatly captivate us and reveal to us our worth, value and beauty. 

We are created, hand-crafted, intricately woven together by the Creator of the entire universe.

A Creator who absolutely does not and has not made mistakes.

Say that to yourself the next time you're staring in the mirror pointing out what you think are flaws.

Read the whole chapter of Psalm 139.

Two verses, 13, and 14, from this chapter, we are familiar with, but they carry such weight in seeking to find our beauty in Christ, that I don't want us to overlook them.

"For you created my inmost being;
    you knit me together in my mother’s womb.

I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
    your works are wonderful,
    I know that full well."

You are not a mistake, you were not just thrown together, and you do not miss the mark.

You are fearfully (remarkably) and wonderfully made. 

Every detail of who you are was stitched together by the most beautiful and loving God.

Let that sink in for a second.

I just imagine the Lord in creating each of His children takes such joy in putting together the details of our being, and smiling as He creates our beauty in His majestic image. 

Does that overwhelm your heart a little?

Mine is overwhelmed even as I write this and the Lord is revealing more and more to me about who I am in Him. Why? Because those are such powerful phrases to hear in a world that says you have to do a, b, and c in order to qualify as beautiful. You don't obtain beauty and you don't need to do anything in order to be labelled as beautiful. You just ARE.

It is far too easy, and too common, to settle into the picture of what society says we need to look and be like. You might say it's easier to try to fit in than it is to stand out, but is it really? 

Is it worth sacrificing the beauty that God has intricately designed just for you? Is it easier to lose yourself amidst a culture that tells you that you're never good enough? Is it worth throwing back at God that was He created in you isn't good enough?

It's of far greater worth to look in the mirror and see God's absolute best, than to look in the mirror and try to change what you see to fit a mold that we were never meant to fit into.

 You are unique, you are exquisite, you are inspired...

You. Are. Beautiful.

Rest in the simplicity of that.

Fear: The power of it, and the power to overcome it.

Fear is a complex thing. It can debilitate or it can inspire. It can push us to run faster, or cause us to shrink away. It can drive us to accomplish even greater things, or it can keep us from even trying to accomplish anything at all.

Fear possesses more power over us than we even care to let on. We are asked if we are scared and instantly we get defensive or offended. Like, 'how dare you ask if I'm scared, I'm not afraid, I don't do fear..' We behave as though nobody ever wrestles with fear, that we could not possibly be afraid of anything because that would make us weak. And the truth is, that it definitely can be. We can let fear so deeply control our very core, that we would not even know where to start in doing something bold or brave or new. If we let it, fear can absolutely and completely debilitate us. 

So, an example and to put it in context for my life...

I'm a runner. 

Not in the literal sense of I run marathons and I'm super hardcore.. Because believe me, I would love for that to be my thing, but unless I know there is a reward of Chick-fil-A, or a donut after... I do not voluntarily run on a regular basis.

No, unfortunately, I'm a runner in the sense of I tend to run away from anything that could possibly be good for me but comes with some risk. 

Let's take relationships as an example.. All my wonderful friends can attest that when the topic of relationships come up, most of the time I clam up like a high school senior when you ask what their plans are for the next 20 years of their life.

[Yes, I'm aware that some seniors know exactly what they want in life and what all their goals for their future are... That would not be me in this illustration.]

But seriously, I have an issue with running away from something, even if it's good, the second it asks more from me than I'm comfortable with giving at the moment. Like, commitment. Goodness, ask my roommate, Sarah, I don't say that word often. It's frowned upon within the walls of our apartment.

[I also am aware that I'm painting myself in such an incredible light that says 'marry me, I come without issues...' Not. But that's where the transparency comes in for this. I just want to give an example of what fear looks like in my life for a second for the sake of being relatable, not scare away my future husband, bless his lil heart.]

Now, I could go into a rant about all the psychological reasons for all this, and start discussing nature vs. nurture [Since I wrote a whole research paper on that, 98% on it too.. Just saying.], and ramble on about my childhood, and blah blah blahhh, but there's one term that can sum it all up..  

FEAR.  

I'm scared! Let's be honest, of course one day I want to find somebody amazing and get married! But the idea of what it takes to get there: dating, and spilling my life's mess to someone, and making a commitment without being certain of the outcome is a scary thing for me to think about. And sometimes it causes me to shrink back and think that I want to just avoid it all in general. 

[Somedays, being a nun doesn't sound too terrible.... That doesn't last long.]

I have definitely had my times, my moments, where I have let fear debilitate me. Even today, we were sitting out to lunch with some of my favorite people and I made a joke about being a 'relationship runner'. It's great, really... 

I'm fully aware that sometimes I give fear the negative power over my life, and that's what I'm setting out to change. So I'm basically talking to myself through all this as well.

 The consensus is that we're human, and in my life at least, fear seems to be always around the corner.

But I think it can be a good thing in the sense of getting us to push past ourselves and rest in the fact that Jesus is in control; always.

In perspective.. What if every successful person we have ever known about and looked up to, in every profession and walk of life, decided that fear had won and they just gave up.. What if that Olympic gold medalist we watched in awe of, decided the fear of losing and failing was too much and they decided to pack their bags and go home.. What if our favorite musician decided there was way too much competition in his genre to even put his music out there at all?

And on the deepest level.. What if Jesus decided the fear of the anguish and agony he was about to experience on the Cross was too dark, too painful, too horrifying to even wrap his mind around so he told his Father that he couldn't do it?

[Read Matthew 26-27]

 I'm learning that the cost of what fear will take from us if we give into it, is far greater than the risk there is in being obedient and trusting that Jesus' plan is far greater than our own.

Isaiah 44:8 (NLT) says, "Do not tremble; do not be afraid. Did I not proclaim my purposes for you long ago? You are my witnesses—is there any other God? No! There is no other Rock—not one." 

Can we just wrap our minds around that for a second, 'Did I not proclaim my purposes for you long ago?' Some days, I can't see beyond tomorrow, but Jesus says to me 'I already have every one of your days in my hand.. My purposes for you (even if you don't know or see them yet) are already laid out for you to step into. Why are you hiding away in fear? Push past this fear and trust that I am good, that my plans for you are good. I am God, just rest in that!' And on the days when I really don't get it, I feel like I just need a sign to hit me in the face that simply says, "Stop freaking out, you know I've got this".  

"But Jesus overheard them and said to Jairus, “Don’t be afraid. Just have faith.” Mark 5:36.

Such a simple statement, but it's something I need a constant reminder of.. "Don't be afraid. Just have faith."

'Don't crawl back into your cave and hide, have faith.' 

'Don't start running towards the convent... Have faith.' 

'Don't shut out the people who you should let in, HAVE FAITH.'  

'Don't block out what you know I'm calling you to because you're afraid, just. have. faith.'

'Don't listen to the doubt that overwhelms your will to fight...'

 [I could go on forever.. But you get it.]

"When I am afraid, I put my trust in you." Psalm 56:3 

When fear is crippling, I will choose to trust. 

When it is easiest to run, I will stay in fight.

When the impossible seems at hand, I will know my God is greater.

"Fear not; you will no longer live in shame. Don’t be afraid; there is no more disgrace for you. You will no longer remember the shame of your youth and the sorrows of widowhood." Isaiah 54:4

"I prayed to the Lord, and he answered me. He freed me from all my fears." Psalm 34:4

Fear has the power to control us if we let it.. But I believe beautiful things begin to happen when we push through that fear, step into our God-ordained purposes, while trusting that since Jesus had it laid out for us long ago, he will be in control every step of the way.

Re-encountering Our First Love.

"Repent and do the things you did at first." (Revelation 2:5)

How many times have we heard the words or phrase "You're just in the middle of a 'dry season' with Jesus", or "You're it's just a 'quiet period' in your relationship with the Lord"?

I've been thinking about that lately as I've been struggling with the concept of 'feeling' God's presence all the time.. Or feeling like the Lord is 'far off' from me when I want so badly to feel near to Him.

I think that I'm doing everything I need to be doing, and I think that I'm genuinely searching for the Lord, and hoping that He simply allows me to experience His presence.. And when I don't feel like God's presence is surrounding me, I get frustrated and basically throw myself a little pity party.

In my mind, I relate it to me as a child standing before a piñata ready to take a swing at the thing and have it rain candy.. Pretty much very kid's dream.. I'm pretty confident that my plan of action is going to play out perfectly and I'll have candy in my hands in a matter of seconds. 

There are two problems, however. 1. I'm blindfolded. That's a problem for obvious reasons. 2. There typically is an adult holding the piñata by a rope and finding amusement in adjusting the levels at which it hangs, making it much harder to hit something that moves and that you can't see.

And I think sometimes we can get into the mindset that, in a cheesy kind of example, God's presence is like that piñata hanging before us and God finds amusement in continually tugging on the rope to make sure we don't ever grab hold of it. 

But I don't know why I never have stopped to think, "Maybe the problem isn't with God.. In all that I know about the Lord, I've never come to know Him as this bully that doesn't want His children to experience and enjoy His presence.." I can't imagine Him gazing from heaven, tugging on the 'ropes' of His presence, laughing hysterically that we're never able to be in the midst of His presence.

Now, I'm not saying that it isn't possible to be in the midst of a time where the Lord really is using a certain season of our lives where we honestly do not experience the presence of God. I've heard marvelous stories where incredible men and women of God who at one point in their lives went through a time where they not once 'felt' the presence of God. But all the while, they were investing, and seeking, and falling more and more in love with this Jesus their heart longed for more than anything else. It became a time of such growth waiting on the Lord and falling in love with Jesus EVEN IF they were to never feel His presence again.

 Stories like that would blow my mind as I would think about my own life and not feeling God's presence. I would be forced to ask myself the same question those very men and women had to ask themselves.. Would I be willing to love and serve a God even if I never felt His presence again?

Now that I've completed that rant about the other side of the argument that there ARE such things as dry seasons with the Lord.. I reflect back on the times in my life where I don't feel the Lord, and I feel like I can't just blame God for not feeling His presence. 

I was reading Revelation 2 this morning and came across the passage familiar to us, but it hit me in a new and refreshing way this morning..

"You have persevered and have endured hardships for my name, and have not grown weary. Yet I hold this against you: You have forsaken your first love. Remember the height from which you have fallen! Repent and do the things you did at first. If you do not repent, I will come to you and remove your lampstand from its place."(Revelation 2:3-5)

 There is SO much that I can pull from this passage, but in relating it to myself and being completely transparent.. I want to bring up a few things..

1. It can be so easy to just 'go through the motions'. SO easy. It truly is easy to read the Word in the morning, but just go through it fast to get on with your day. And as the day progresses, you don't even remember what you read that morning.. Totally missing what the Lord had for us to learn in that moment. It's easy to pull the 'only talking to Jesus when you need to ask for something' card. Or be in a worship service and your mind is elsewhere and you're not giving to the Lord all He deserves. So guilty of this too! We may be 'getting it all done', so-to-speak, but there is no real investment.

When I'm going through my day just doing what I'm 'supposed to be doing' I'm not responding to Jesus or seeking after Jesus in a way that declares my love for him.. I'm clearly not making it a point to fall more in love with Jesus with that routine.. How can I expect the Lord to overwhelm me with His joy and presence if I am not putting out the genuine effort in my relationship with Him?

I mean, let's be real, when you hang out with someone who does the whole "yeah... uh huh... that's crazy" as you're talking to them and clearly not trying at all to connect with you, do you have any motivation or desire to spend MORE time with that person...? Probably not. Not that I'm saying Jesus won't ever want to 'hang out with you again' but how can we expect him to flood our hearts with the richness, the beauty and the extravagance of his presence if we're not allowing him for one, and two, we're not even genuinely desiring it?

2. "You have forsaken your first love... Repent and do the things you did at first."

When I'm in a time where I feel as though the Lord is not near, I tend to compare my current state of relationship with Him to the times when we were 'doing well', for lack of better terms. And then I get frustrated because I think that I want that back. Those times with Jesus where I desired nothing and no one else other than Christ. But if I do an honest evaluation of what my relationship with Jesus currently looks like, I'm doing none of the things wholeheartedly that I have done in those times. I'm just going through the motions and expecting Jesus to bless me because I'm doing what I'm supposed to, even if I'm not doing it with an undivided heart.. 

And even in this moment, I feel convicted over the wasted time that I've spent 'investing' in my relationship with Jesus but not doing it wholeheartedly and wondered why I didn't feel the Lord was near to me. 

In those moments, we're forced to realize our own jadedness and repent for not giving God the attention, the focus, the love and heart that He deserves. And then from that point begin to do those things that we know will draw us to the heart of God with everything within us rather than with a heart that lacks focus and desire. 

I have to stop being quick to blame the Lord for not feeling His presence and begin to evaluate where my heart truly lies... I can just go through the motions and do what I'm supposed to do, but if I really want to know and experience the heart of God, I must give to the Lord all of me.

I have to realize that the Lord isn't dangling his presence before me and not allowing me to reach it, but truly desiring for me to encounter the greatness of His presence. I just desperately need to always seek His face with everything within me and find Him in the midst my every day.

 

We.Are.Blessed.

Sometimes I look around and literally have to stop everything to really take in how incredibly blessed I am. From the people I'm surrounded by, the Godly influences in my life, the absolute beauty of the world around me (especially Lynchburg in the fall... Nothing better), an amazing university to attend and become better equipped to serve Christ, friendships that have powerfully changed and impacted my life, and ultimately, the pure essence of life itself. 

We always use the common phrase, "count your blessings", but how often do we really take even just a minute to recognize the hundreds of aspects in our lives where we are SO blessed?

How often do we take a deep breath in; the crisp fall air surrounding us, glance around at the changing leaves, the colors of fall, the bright blue, clear sky.. Or look around when we're surrounded by the most important people in our lives and be able to see how God orchestrated those relationships to grow you, encourage you, challenge you to grow towards Christ..

Why is it so easy to let the miniscule things ruin our entire day and completely fail to acknowledge the huge ways that God revealed Himself to us that day?

I, myself, am becoming convicted even as I write this, because if I'm being honest... there are days where it is hard to see through the stress, the frustrations, and the things of the past that bubble up from time to time. It's sad that it is sometimes hard to enjoy the little blessings in our lives daily but are so prone to let minor things ruin our entire day.

We're surrounded by constant beauty, and grace, and mercy, and love. Every minute, of every day. Whether we choose to see the good in things, or the bad in each moment, we.are.blessed. 

Every heartbeat. Every breath. Every smile.

Each moment of stillness when everything seems to feel 'just right'.

Every encouraging conversation. Each time we have a hand to hold, a tear of joy to shed, or someone to pray for and over us. 

For each time everything seems to be going wrong, we have a million reasons to smile.

For each moment where we feel as though we're breaking, we're in the midst of a moment where God is moving graciously around us.

For each day that we could let ourselves remain frustrated and stressed, we could be missing out on the beauty of God around us each and every minute.

A new look at "count your blessings", I think. 

I've been stopping so many times lately and find myself smiling to myself because I am so overjoyed and humbled by the blessings from a gracious and loving God.

Maybe our lives wouldn't seem so complicated and so disappointing if we'd realize that we are surrounded by the blessings of a loving Father... Which are far more powerful than the things that go wrong each day. 

 Change our perspective.

The king rejoices in your strength, Lord.
    How great is his joy in the victories you give!

 "You have granted him his heart’s desire and have not withheld the request of his lips. You came to greet him with rich blessings and placed a crown of pure gold on his head. He asked you for life, and you gave it to him—length of days, for ever and ever. Through the victories you gave, his glory is great; you have bestowed on him splendor and majesty. Surely you have granted him unending blessings and made him glad with the joy of your presence. For the king trusts in the Lord;
    through the unfailing love of the Most High he will not be shaken." Psalm 21:1-7.

Breathtaking Worship.

The other night, during Unite (college group), I had a little bit of a meeting with Jesus.

It was humbling, and breath-taking all at once.

A bring me to tears sort of moment.

And since I'm stillll not over it, I figured I'd share it.

There were maybe 25, maybe 30 people that night, all spread throughout the room.

Worship was super chill: acoustic, no mics, nothing plugged in.

Everyone sort of congregated to the front of the room to worship together, but I was still towards the back of the room.

Towards the end of the last song, '10,000 Reasons', Daniel (head honcho, mr. college pastor, etc.), stood up and read:

"Praise the Lord.

Praise God in his sanctuary;
    praise him in his mighty heavens.

Praise him for his acts of power;
    praise him for his surpassing greatness.

Praise him with the sounding of the trumpet,
    praise him with the harp and lyre,

praise him with timbrel and dancing,
    praise him with the strings and pipe,

praise him with the clash of cymbals,
    praise him with resounding cymbals.

Let everything that has breath praise the Lord.

Praise the Lord."

Psalm 150 

 Then he threw in a little challenge for us too. He said, 

"If this was the last moment you had to worship God, how would you respond? How would that change the way you are worshiping?" 

For the next few minutes we continually sang,

"Bless the Lord, Oh my soul, Oh my soul,
Worship His holy name.
Sing like never before, Oh my soul
I'll worship Your holy name."

And, I wish I could adequately describe what happened in that room.

There weren't thatttt many people in the room, but the worship that had erupted, and the presence of

God was SO overwhelming it was as if there were far more people in there than there really was.

Suddenly, in the midst of it all, I had one of those 'glimpse of heaven' moments...

One of those, 'this is what heaven is going to be like' moments.

Every person in tune with God. Every heart focused on Him. 

Each person giving their absolute everything in worship.

Arms raised, heads held high, knees bent, voices loud.

It was perfect.

And I got a glimpse of heaven when we'll be standing before the

throne of God worshiping day and night, and as if we

never have before. 

Powerful, meaningful, focused, surrendered, beautiful worship.

I couldn't even sing anymore at that point.

I was completely breathless, and as tears were streaming down my face in awe of 

what I had just been able to experience,

I had to leave the room to gather myself, and spend some time alone with Jesus;

thanking, worshiping, and basking in His presence.

There aren't many things that can beat out moments where you're in a room

surrounded by your friends who's hearts are all sold out to Christ

and have surrendered their everything in worship of Him all at the same time.

Such an incredible experience that literally makes me SO stoked for heaven.

It's going to be pretty magnificent, and I cannot wait. :)

His Hand is Upon Everything.

Today I decided that considering that it was incredibly perfect outside, I was going to do my devos and prayer time out in my back yard.

As I was in the middle of praying and talking some things out with Jesus, I paused and began to look around at my surroundings.

My backyard is filled with pretty large/tall trees completely encircling my house, and I began to think about what it takes for a tiny seed to grow into this massive tree that my dad is currently building a tree-house in for my brothers. I considered the amount of rainfall needed, the amount of sunlight, the nutrients in the soil, etc.

As I was in the process of admiring the trees themselves, I began to notice the birds fluttering around them, the nests that were built within the tree branches.. These nests that provide rest, storage, and safety for these birds..

And then, as much I hate them and greatly fear them, I noticed the bees buzzing throughout my backyard also. I thought about pollination, and what it takes for a tiny, seemingly insubstantial bee to even survive...

And it hit me..

The God of the entire universe created each of these things. He knew exactly what it would take for each type of tree to grow into such a large, grand part of nature. He recognized the amount of water fall it would need, He knew the perfect amount of sunlight it would need for it to not simply dry out and die, He knew the exact soil nutrients it would need to grow and thrive. 

And the birds. He knew they would need such a place for safety and protection. Somewhere high above the ground so it didn't become simple prey for other animals. The bees, He enabled the pollination process, He knew that such a miniscule insect would do for plant life, He knew what each one needs to survive...

All that to say, it occurred to me as I sat there admiring some of the creations of God, that if the mighty and powerful God of the universe.. Who created absolutely everything, can provide a way for tiny insects to eat and contribute to the sustenance of plant life; for the birds of the air a place to raise their young, remain protected; and for trees, to grow into all their grandeur...

How much MORE are we cared for, protected, provided for?

Lately, I have been struggling with trying to understand God's plan, and purpose, and future for me. I became mildly frustrated as I wrestled with fear and doubt that God didn't have a plan for my life.. That what I desired for my life is clearly is not determined by me, but by Him.. And that certain things were going to play out differently in my future than what I may have originally dreamed up.

But in that moment, I was able to rest in the knowledge and the promise that who am I to fear and to doubt His provision and protection and plan for my life when right in front of my eyes He was abundantly providing perfectly for His creations that surrounded me?

“Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life? “And why do you worry about clothes? See how the flowers of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you—you of little faith? So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them.  
But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own."
 Matthew 6:25-34.

What right do I have to worry about the future before me? Who am I to doubt the plan that God has for me? And who am I to doubt the purpose in which I am created for?
 He has all the details on how to raise up a portion of wildlife, I'm pretty sure He can handle each detail of the magnificent plans and purposes He has for our lives. 

We have no reason to fear or worry or doubt the abundance, provision, planning, or the hand of God upon our lives. Rest in the truth and reassurance that regardless of whether we can see it or not, God has something for each of our lives far greater than we can imagine, and therefore we have no reason to fear or worry. 

Amen to that.  

Maybe a Little Focus Shift.

How often do we reallllly think about those around us..? I mean really think about them:

 The people we frequently see at our usual coffee shops, the people we work with, or even the people we spend the most time with; in and outside of our families.

I feel like I have many of my Jesus smacks me in the face moments either while I'm at work or while I'm driving, and lately I've been having the same kind of revelation moment in both of those situations.

One of the women that I used to work with, has since quit our store and works right across the way at Hallmark. I texted her today, since I knew she was working, and told her to let me know when her break was so we could go get lunch together.

At around 1:30, we started walking towards the food court as I was telling her how much of an off day I've been having.

*(Throughout the duration of the morning, I had hit my head twice, broken a few cookies, spilled multiple drinks on myself, broke a cookie cake... All over the place. Hah. I was a cookie lady mess.)*

I finished my rambling when she says, "If anyone should be out of it, it should be me. I have tons going on girl.." 

*(Amanda; mid-thirties, been married for 14 years, mother of two girls, and an adorable little boy.)*

So, I asked her if she didn't mind sharing, what was going on?

 She said, "Well, for starters, my husband and I are pretty much Splitsville.." 

Shocked, I asked her what had happened, and with no real explanation, she basically told me that he had decided that their marriage was over and he wanted out. 

My heart broke for her, and for her children, and I still ache for them, but there was something she said that I didn't completely expect from her:

"After that conversation, I went and I got down on my knees.. Completely on my face before God and laid it all at His feet. If he wants to leave, there's not much more I can do except for pray. And after that moment I had before God last night, I feel so much peace knowing that I'm putting everything in His hands."

Wow. 

Suddenly I felt semi-guilty about rambling on about hitting my head too many times, when she has suchhh big things going on in her life even as we spoke. 

And she's just ONE story. 

Lately, while sitting at red lights, I've been looking around at the numerous cars that drive by me; just in the duration of that one light. 

My heart breaks as I look around and wonder how many of those faces I'm going to see again in heaven.. I wonder where they're that in their lives.. What they themselves are wrestling with..

I think of the sixteen year old girl that I work with often, whom I can tell is desperately searching for something, but she hasn't figured out yet that the partying, and drinking, isn't going to fill the space where Jesus is supposed to be.

 *(I was blessed to be able to have a conversation with her today about my church, and about missions, and about the incredible atmosphere at Crossroads, and I'm interested to see where other conversations with her lead as I see her searching for something greater.)*

I think of the wife I saw today pushing around her apparent cancer-stricken husband around in a wheelchair through the mall just so he can get a peanut butter cookie. Or the single moms struggling with their fussy young children...

We see SO many faces everyday. We encounter so many fragile lives, all in completely different stages of life. We see sons and daughters of the Most High God; some struggling to see Him in the midst of their circumstances. 

Do we really care about these people?

Can we allow ourselves to feel for them; pray for them;

love on them?

Even if that means we stop rambling for a little bit and shift our focus from ourselves to loving people as Jesus did; as we're called to do?

"Dear friends, let us love one another, for love comes from God. Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God. Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love. This is how God showed his love among us: He sent his one and only Son into the world that we might live through him. This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins. Dear friends, since God so loved us, we also ought to love one another. No one has ever seen God; but if we love one another, God lives in us and his love is made complete in us...

God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in them...

We love because he first loved us. Whoever claims to love God yet hates a brother or sister is a liar. For whoever does not love their brother and sister, whom they have seen, cannot love God, whom they have not seen. And he has given us this command: Anyone who loves God must also love their brother and sister." 1 John 4:7-16; 19-21