"Repent and do the things you did at first." (Revelation 2:5)
How many times have we heard the words or phrase "You're just in the middle of a 'dry season' with Jesus", or "You're it's just a 'quiet period' in your relationship with the Lord"?
I've been thinking about that lately as I've been struggling with the concept of 'feeling' God's presence all the time.. Or feeling like the Lord is 'far off' from me when I want so badly to feel near to Him.
I think that I'm doing everything I need to be doing, and I think that I'm genuinely searching for the Lord, and hoping that He simply allows me to experience His presence.. And when I don't feel like God's presence is surrounding me, I get frustrated and basically throw myself a little pity party.
In my mind, I relate it to me as a child standing before a piñata ready to take a swing at the thing and have it rain candy.. Pretty much very kid's dream.. I'm pretty confident that my plan of action is going to play out perfectly and I'll have candy in my hands in a matter of seconds.
There are two problems, however. 1. I'm blindfolded. That's a problem for obvious reasons. 2. There typically is an adult holding the piñata by a rope and finding amusement in adjusting the levels at which it hangs, making it much harder to hit something that moves and that you can't see.
And I think sometimes we can get into the mindset that, in a cheesy kind of example, God's presence is like that piñata hanging before us and God finds amusement in continually tugging on the rope to make sure we don't ever grab hold of it.
But I don't know why I never have stopped to think, "Maybe the problem isn't with God.. In all that I know about the Lord, I've never come to know Him as this bully that doesn't want His children to experience and enjoy His presence.." I can't imagine Him gazing from heaven, tugging on the 'ropes' of His presence, laughing hysterically that we're never able to be in the midst of His presence.
Now, I'm not saying that it isn't possible to be in the midst of a time where the Lord really is using a certain season of our lives where we honestly do not experience the presence of God. I've heard marvelous stories where incredible men and women of God who at one point in their lives went through a time where they not once 'felt' the presence of God. But all the while, they were investing, and seeking, and falling more and more in love with this Jesus their heart longed for more than anything else. It became a time of such growth waiting on the Lord and falling in love with Jesus EVEN IF they were to never feel His presence again.
Stories like that would blow my mind as I would think about my own life and not feeling God's presence. I would be forced to ask myself the same question those very men and women had to ask themselves.. Would I be willing to love and serve a God even if I never felt His presence again?
Now that I've completed that rant about the other side of the argument that there ARE such things as dry seasons with the Lord.. I reflect back on the times in my life where I don't feel the Lord, and I feel like I can't just blame God for not feeling His presence.
I was reading Revelation 2 this morning and came across the passage familiar to us, but it hit me in a new and refreshing way this morning..
"You have persevered and have endured hardships for my name, and have not grown weary. Yet I hold this against you: You have forsaken your first love. Remember the height from which you have fallen! Repent and do the things you did at first. If you do not repent, I will come to you and remove your lampstand from its place."(Revelation 2:3-5)
There is SO much that I can pull from this passage, but in relating it to myself and being completely transparent.. I want to bring up a few things..
1. It can be so easy to just 'go through the motions'. SO easy. It truly is easy to read the Word in the morning, but just go through it fast to get on with your day. And as the day progresses, you don't even remember what you read that morning.. Totally missing what the Lord had for us to learn in that moment. It's easy to pull the 'only talking to Jesus when you need to ask for something' card. Or be in a worship service and your mind is elsewhere and you're not giving to the Lord all He deserves. So guilty of this too! We may be 'getting it all done', so-to-speak, but there is no real investment.
When I'm going through my day just doing what I'm 'supposed to be doing' I'm not responding to Jesus or seeking after Jesus in a way that declares my love for him.. I'm clearly not making it a point to fall more in love with Jesus with that routine.. How can I expect the Lord to overwhelm me with His joy and presence if I am not putting out the genuine effort in my relationship with Him?
I mean, let's be real, when you hang out with someone who does the whole "yeah... uh huh... that's crazy" as you're talking to them and clearly not trying at all to connect with you, do you have any motivation or desire to spend MORE time with that person...? Probably not. Not that I'm saying Jesus won't ever want to 'hang out with you again' but how can we expect him to flood our hearts with the richness, the beauty and the extravagance of his presence if we're not allowing him for one, and two, we're not even genuinely desiring it?
2. "You have forsaken your first love... Repent and do the things you did at first."
When I'm in a time where I feel as though the Lord is not near, I tend to compare my current state of relationship with Him to the times when we were 'doing well', for lack of better terms. And then I get frustrated because I think that I want that back. Those times with Jesus where I desired nothing and no one else other than Christ. But if I do an honest evaluation of what my relationship with Jesus currently looks like, I'm doing none of the things wholeheartedly that I have done in those times. I'm just going through the motions and expecting Jesus to bless me because I'm doing what I'm supposed to, even if I'm not doing it with an undivided heart..
And even in this moment, I feel convicted over the wasted time that I've spent 'investing' in my relationship with Jesus but not doing it wholeheartedly and wondered why I didn't feel the Lord was near to me.
In those moments, we're forced to realize our own jadedness and repent for not giving God the attention, the focus, the love and heart that He deserves. And then from that point begin to do those things that we know will draw us to the heart of God with everything within us rather than with a heart that lacks focus and desire.
I have to stop being quick to blame the Lord for not feeling His presence and begin to evaluate where my heart truly lies... I can just go through the motions and do what I'm supposed to do, but if I really want to know and experience the heart of God, I must give to the Lord all of me.
I have to realize that the Lord isn't dangling his presence before me and not allowing me to reach it, but truly desiring for me to encounter the greatness of His presence. I just desperately need to always seek His face with everything within me and find Him in the midst my every day.
