Fear: The power of it, and the power to overcome it.

Fear is a complex thing. It can debilitate or it can inspire. It can push us to run faster, or cause us to shrink away. It can drive us to accomplish even greater things, or it can keep us from even trying to accomplish anything at all.

Fear possesses more power over us than we even care to let on. We are asked if we are scared and instantly we get defensive or offended. Like, 'how dare you ask if I'm scared, I'm not afraid, I don't do fear..' We behave as though nobody ever wrestles with fear, that we could not possibly be afraid of anything because that would make us weak. And the truth is, that it definitely can be. We can let fear so deeply control our very core, that we would not even know where to start in doing something bold or brave or new. If we let it, fear can absolutely and completely debilitate us. 

So, an example and to put it in context for my life...

I'm a runner. 

Not in the literal sense of I run marathons and I'm super hardcore.. Because believe me, I would love for that to be my thing, but unless I know there is a reward of Chick-fil-A, or a donut after... I do not voluntarily run on a regular basis.

No, unfortunately, I'm a runner in the sense of I tend to run away from anything that could possibly be good for me but comes with some risk. 

Let's take relationships as an example.. All my wonderful friends can attest that when the topic of relationships come up, most of the time I clam up like a high school senior when you ask what their plans are for the next 20 years of their life.

[Yes, I'm aware that some seniors know exactly what they want in life and what all their goals for their future are... That would not be me in this illustration.]

But seriously, I have an issue with running away from something, even if it's good, the second it asks more from me than I'm comfortable with giving at the moment. Like, commitment. Goodness, ask my roommate, Sarah, I don't say that word often. It's frowned upon within the walls of our apartment.

[I also am aware that I'm painting myself in such an incredible light that says 'marry me, I come without issues...' Not. But that's where the transparency comes in for this. I just want to give an example of what fear looks like in my life for a second for the sake of being relatable, not scare away my future husband, bless his lil heart.]

Now, I could go into a rant about all the psychological reasons for all this, and start discussing nature vs. nurture [Since I wrote a whole research paper on that, 98% on it too.. Just saying.], and ramble on about my childhood, and blah blah blahhh, but there's one term that can sum it all up..  

FEAR.  

I'm scared! Let's be honest, of course one day I want to find somebody amazing and get married! But the idea of what it takes to get there: dating, and spilling my life's mess to someone, and making a commitment without being certain of the outcome is a scary thing for me to think about. And sometimes it causes me to shrink back and think that I want to just avoid it all in general. 

[Somedays, being a nun doesn't sound too terrible.... That doesn't last long.]

I have definitely had my times, my moments, where I have let fear debilitate me. Even today, we were sitting out to lunch with some of my favorite people and I made a joke about being a 'relationship runner'. It's great, really... 

I'm fully aware that sometimes I give fear the negative power over my life, and that's what I'm setting out to change. So I'm basically talking to myself through all this as well.

 The consensus is that we're human, and in my life at least, fear seems to be always around the corner.

But I think it can be a good thing in the sense of getting us to push past ourselves and rest in the fact that Jesus is in control; always.

In perspective.. What if every successful person we have ever known about and looked up to, in every profession and walk of life, decided that fear had won and they just gave up.. What if that Olympic gold medalist we watched in awe of, decided the fear of losing and failing was too much and they decided to pack their bags and go home.. What if our favorite musician decided there was way too much competition in his genre to even put his music out there at all?

And on the deepest level.. What if Jesus decided the fear of the anguish and agony he was about to experience on the Cross was too dark, too painful, too horrifying to even wrap his mind around so he told his Father that he couldn't do it?

[Read Matthew 26-27]

 I'm learning that the cost of what fear will take from us if we give into it, is far greater than the risk there is in being obedient and trusting that Jesus' plan is far greater than our own.

Isaiah 44:8 (NLT) says, "Do not tremble; do not be afraid. Did I not proclaim my purposes for you long ago? You are my witnesses—is there any other God? No! There is no other Rock—not one." 

Can we just wrap our minds around that for a second, 'Did I not proclaim my purposes for you long ago?' Some days, I can't see beyond tomorrow, but Jesus says to me 'I already have every one of your days in my hand.. My purposes for you (even if you don't know or see them yet) are already laid out for you to step into. Why are you hiding away in fear? Push past this fear and trust that I am good, that my plans for you are good. I am God, just rest in that!' And on the days when I really don't get it, I feel like I just need a sign to hit me in the face that simply says, "Stop freaking out, you know I've got this".  

"But Jesus overheard them and said to Jairus, “Don’t be afraid. Just have faith.” Mark 5:36.

Such a simple statement, but it's something I need a constant reminder of.. "Don't be afraid. Just have faith."

'Don't crawl back into your cave and hide, have faith.' 

'Don't start running towards the convent... Have faith.' 

'Don't shut out the people who you should let in, HAVE FAITH.'  

'Don't block out what you know I'm calling you to because you're afraid, just. have. faith.'

'Don't listen to the doubt that overwhelms your will to fight...'

 [I could go on forever.. But you get it.]

"When I am afraid, I put my trust in you." Psalm 56:3 

When fear is crippling, I will choose to trust. 

When it is easiest to run, I will stay in fight.

When the impossible seems at hand, I will know my God is greater.

"Fear not; you will no longer live in shame. Don’t be afraid; there is no more disgrace for you. You will no longer remember the shame of your youth and the sorrows of widowhood." Isaiah 54:4

"I prayed to the Lord, and he answered me. He freed me from all my fears." Psalm 34:4

Fear has the power to control us if we let it.. But I believe beautiful things begin to happen when we push through that fear, step into our God-ordained purposes, while trusting that since Jesus had it laid out for us long ago, he will be in control every step of the way.